In case you didn’t know, I’m married. I got married on April 16, 2016 and it was far from traditional. My husband and I both do not enjoy weddings. My thoughts have always been along the lines of,
“Isn’t this kind of like treating me as property?”
“I’m not even a virgin so why should I wear white?” and,
“If the day is celebrating our love for one another, why am I expected to invite a bunch of people I don’t care about?”
My husband agrees. So instead of the usual extravaganza, I put on my mom’s old wedding dress that doesn’t quite fit right, he put on some jeans and an old button up, and we went into our backyard around 3am and exchanged rings. There were store-bought flower petals thrown carelessly across the ground and only enough moonlight to see each other’s face. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We decided to have an informal marriage because a formal one doesn’t really fit who we are. We are not religious and therefore see no reason as to why a religious figure should declare our union. We also don’t see why someone of the courthouse should declare it. And, it’s just a little too iffy for us to have someone ordained to perform the ceremony (I mean, I even called the courthouse and they couldn’t confirm it would really be legal). And besides, who better to declare our union than ourselves? We’re the ones in love.
I did not invite family or friends. I see no way around sounding like a terrible person for saying this, but it’s not really any of their business. It’s our love, our wedding, our union. We’ve just always thought it should be just us.
There have been so many times where I’ve gotten surprised looks on people’s faces when they find out I’m married. Yes, I am 18. Yes, that is young. I understand. What I feel like others don’t and can’t understand, however, is our love. They have no way of looking into my heart and feeling what I feel. They can’t get into my head and hear my thoughts about him. There’s no possible way for anyone other than myself to understand, so it seems silly to me that people ask me why I got married. Maybe because, I don’t know, I love him.
A question I can understand people asking me is why I got married so soon as opposed to waiting. And my answer is: because I didn’t see a point. I know he’s who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Why wait? In case we separate? That seems to be the only reason I can see as to why people would wait to get married. That doesn’t make sense to me though, because if I had to wait and see if we would separate, I don’t think I would be in the relationship in the first place. The moment I realized that he was my person was actually when we were showering together. I just looked at him and felt it. And so, I immediately said, “Let’s get married.”
The only reason we waited more than a day after that was because we wanted a specific date, and it had already passed for that year. We didn’t tell anyone we were engaged. It felt like we had been married our whole relationship anyway, so saying “engaged” felt slightly like regressing.
Our relationship is honestly the best one I’ve ever been exposed to. I had your classic, shitty childhood and so good relationships were not in abundance. The ones I’ve seen mostly consisted of emotional and physical abuse, drug use that often resulted in the death of one of the partners, and unsuccessful attempts at fixing an unexpected knock-up. Once I moved to a better state and started in college, I saw less “serious” issues and started seeing petty ones. You know, the classic,
“Is she still talking to her ex?”
“Oh my god, Ryan went out to a party last weekend and never told me!” and,
“He doesn’t text me enough, maybe he’s texting someone else.”
I am happy to say that none of this has ever been a factor in my relationship. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our fair share of fighting. But, to be honest, most of them were my fault. I get a little sassy when I’m tired, hungry, or stressed. He’s a very laid-back guy.
Anyway, our relationship is pretty damn happy. We are truly best friends. We share the same morbid interests. We love the same music. We understand one another. We can laugh like children together for hours. We still hold hands in public. We dance together in our living room. We play games together. We stay up late telling each other our secrets and feelings. We’re in love. I’m pretty sure we’ve been in the honeymoon phase for our entire relationship. I’m not complaining.
I’m sure there are loads of people who don’t believe my relationship will work out. I’m sure there are people who think that there’s some big, underlying unhealthy aspect in my relationship. And I’m sure there are people who think we just think we’re in love. And that’s fine. Because at the end of the day, all that matters is what him and I think and feel. All that matters is that we’re sure. And we are. If you don’t believe me, check back in on me in 50 years. I guarantee we will still be stuck in our honeymoon phase.